A specific set of needs

Much of my work has been around communication with needs. When I started to learn more about bloccades, trauma and other unpleasant thoughts and behaviour I immediatelly tried to figure out which needs were involved. Whereas the unfulfilled needs connected to very unpleasant and sometimes traumatic events can be many, I found that there is a limited set of needs, that determine wether unpleasant or traumatic events will lead to blockades and other undesireable thoughts and behaviour.

Needs connected to handling unpleasant events

Based on the things I read and my own experience I found that the following needs require special attention both when something very unpleasant or traumatice happened recently AND when we try to find which present needs require extra attention when we want to listen to stories of the past that influence our present life:

• Safety and Trust
• Connection, Belonging, Touch and Tenderness
• Physical Relaxation and Health
• Empathic Listening and Recognition
• Meaning and (Higher) Purpose

Which need attracts your attention?

Finding the need that attracts our attention, is often a quick step to get to the core of the issue you are dealing with. When individuals, couples, teams or organisations face challenges, it's very likely that one or two of the needs above did not get enough attention in the past. It's even likely that it's still difficult to get them fulfilled. The first step to change is to listen to the words that attract our attention. Did you find a word that attracts your attention more than others?

Getting what you need

Children often show us how vital some of our needs are. Adults often seem to forget that taking care of the same needs that children have are also important to make their life and the life of others more wonderful. This example of a child learning to walk, shows how parents often automatically do the things that a child needs, when something painful happens. I think, that we can learn from this example, how we can also support adults, when they experience something unpleasant and/or traumatic.