Transformative Listening

Transformative Listening is a method for effectively healing trauma and other unhealed painful memories from the past. Listening to the painful memories of our past allows us to change thoughts, feelings and behaviour that no longer serve us. We can not change our past. At the same time with a little help, we can change the way it influences our present life.

Listening changes the way we perceive our past

During our lives we installed a few thoughts and feelings, that were useful to 'survive' the traumatic events but are no longer useful now. By 'listening' we try to change a few of these thoughts that are close connected to some of the unfulfilled needs that I connect to trauma :

• your life was unsafe then AND can be safe now (Safety)
• you had to face things alone then AND there are people you belong to now (Connection)
• you’re entire system was in a constant ‘survival’ mode then creating high levels of stress hormones and physical tension AND you are capable to relax now (Physical needs)
• nobody was able to listen to you then AND there are people who are able to listen to you and acknowledge how painful and scary it was now (Recognition from others)
• the pain was so terrible then that you had to ‘deny’ it AND you are capable to see and hear the pain you experienced now (with a little help from others) (Recognition from yourself)
• you were unable to react effectively then AND with your present qualities and the people around you now you are now able to react effectively. (Reprogamming)
• You were unable to see that your life and the things you do have any meaning AND you have found that there is a ‘goal’ you find important and that you can contribute to reaching this goal (Meaning)

Real change came when I was able to relive traumatic events I experienced as a child

Fortunately we were able to heal many of the traumatic events of our childhood. It was painful when we first experienced ‘hunger’. All it took to heal our ‘pain’ then was ‘recognition’ and ‘connection’. Most of us received a smile from one of our parents that confirmed they saw our need and made us feel that we were not alone with the discomfort. And some of these needs did not get the same attention.